"It’s utterly immoral to be slothful about the qualities you have," said Lawrence Durrell.
Rewatching Project Runway Canada yesterday, I remembered how inspired I felt when I saw Lucian devote three months to creating a fashion show. Watching So You Can Think You Can Dance last week, I felt inspired by the drive and work ethic exhibited by all the dancers. Funny, considering that I'm aware of how TV produces, using editing, the (fictional) narrative that maybe if we pursue our dream enough and work hard enough, we'll be able to make it big in the world.
But without the narrative I feel groundless. Maybe these master narratives aren't always harmful (sorry, what, postmodernism?). I remember how driven I myself used to be, and I see how tired and defeated I am now. I know I need to pursue my dream somehow, or if not pursue my dream, at least do something that contributes to this world. I can't keep biding my time. I'm 22. I have a shelf-life.
Sergei said, "You have to find a way to pull yourself into a purpose-bound bullet."
Pare all things extraneous, remove rough edges, streamline. Harden, condense body and mind. Solidify willpower. Rocket forward.
I shall wake up earlier, I shall not waste my breath by sleeping after the sun rises. I shall not be slothful, nor immoral, I shall write reviews, I shall write stories, I shall apply to this, then that, I shall read more, see more, do more, be more.
I know I need to stop procrastinating, stop waiting.