Sunday, June 12, 2011


I can't sleep.
Too many things on my mind lately.

Sometimes, I'm in so much emotional pain, and no matter what I do I won't be able to get rid of it. And then a few moments later, I'll be okay again.
I know it's I subject myself to the same thought patterns and the same emotional patterns over and over again, but I can't stop thinking certain ways.
I've tried my best, I've given much, forgiven much.
So why do I feel so tired? Yet, if I don't, why can't I just let things be? I don't even know what love is any more.
Sometimes I just want to go away for a long long time, forget about everything, and come back to see what has changed.

At nights it's the worst.
I toss and turn in my empty bed, trying to break free.
I swear, sometimes I feel messed up.
I'm immersing myself in classical music, and Shakespeare. The great anaesthetics. But their effectiveness decreases after a while.

I'm just going to blame it on the summer restlessness.
I can't wait until Moncton.
I can't wait until school starts.

But I can't keep hurting myself.
I have to stop.