Anyway, I swear being in the humanities is a lot harder than being in the sciences. I have two essays due next week and I haven't even finished the readings. I'm so stressed out.
I gotta have faith. Faith that my marks for this term will be satisfactory. Faith that, even if my marks turn out to be less than where I want them for be, I'll be able to improve them in second semester. Faith that, even if I can't improve them in second semester, I'll still be accepted into grad school somehow. Faith that, even if I am not accepted into English grad school, I'll still be accepted, somewhere, somehow, by someone. Faith that, even if I'm not accepted, I'll still be able to make myself useful to society.
To be honest, I do not really know if English is the right path for me. What I know is that the humanities offer a different mode of learning--one which challenges and engages me, at least right now. Yet there is still something lacking--the focus on literary texts, which is the method of inquiry for the English department, still leaves me feeling somehow detached for the world. I kind of wish I took more philosophy and sociology in undergrad, instead of taking so many science courses (all of which felt similar in nature). I could somehow segue into sexual diversity/queer studies, or another field, maybe, in grad school. I don't know. I'll figure it out; I have faith.