On a whim I went
to the lit committee's
event tonight.
I met a poet.
He started in science. Like me.
He took ENG201
with Professor Reibetanz
"Don't rush." This was
Professor Reibetanz's advice, to him.
and loved it. Like me.
Of course, it was a whim
so I was wearing a shirt
with some dirt on it.
But then he arrived late,
so I felt a bit better
about the stain.
He read from his poems.
I was intrigued.
There were a lot of
Hello? Can you hear me?
interruptions. And lot of
play on the words
you and I.
There is no synonym for you.
I looked at his book.
He wrote a sonnet
with computer loading symbols
interspersed between
words and sometimes syllables.
I wanted to read it.
I talked to him then.
He asked if I wrote.
I said I stopped for a while
but started again.
In his poetry book was
a poem called Etude in E Major
(the one by Chopin).
I told him I just played it last summer.
Anyway this can hardly be
called a poem. I'm en-
jambing lines when-
ever I feel like it. But forget
that all. I met I met
I met a poet.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Group-think
Living in a media-saturated world is just so exhausting. Honestly. Sometimes, when I read TheStar or The Globe and Mail, I am amazed at the amount of stupidity that exists. I remember coming across an article on the G&M about a new research study that came out that "discovered" that television was making kids more distracted. Why stupid studies such as these ones exist is beyond me. Then there are the exercise more/lose weight articles. Reading Men's Health depresses me because of all the "Get abs!" articles they recycle. Reading many women's magazines depresses me because of all the shallow advice they give... as well as all the make-up advertisements. The world is superficial enough.
And the relationship columns. Today someone asked a column writer on the the G&M whether or not they should consider having a threesome. They both wanted to try it, but they were probably just insecure. The column writer was like "Well, I can't control what you do it in the end, but just be careful, it might ruin your relationship". Or that was the gist of it, anyway.
You know what that means! Time for Timmy to go off on a tangent about sex for the millionth time on this blog! I don't really think a threesome that all parties want ruins a relationship. I think what it can do, if it goes wrong, is bring issues such as lack of trust, respect, and communication into attention. Because if respect and openness were deeply entrenched relationship in the first place, there's no reason why having a threesome would change that. It is not as if your life undergoes such a drastic change that it can be divided up into "before threesome" and "after threesome" portions. If only one person in the relationship wanted to try a threesome and were trying to persuade/manipulate the other person into going for it, that would be a different story. There is so much irrational sex-negativity in the media.
I did, though, see a comment that said, "Life is too short to let fear and insecurity get in the way of exploring your desires. Have fun tell us how it goes." So I guess there is some hope. But mostly, there's a lot of group-thinking going on in the comments and it makes me kind of sad because I feel like the media kind of enforces this conformist world. The media shapes the subjects we think and talk about, and frames the ways we think about them.
In contrast, the arts, in which free expression is encouraged, is not really noticed by a lot of people. There seems to a decline in the appreciation of literature (especially poetry) and music in favour of (often shallow) radio-ready pop music, which is worrying. I try to be open to different modes of expression, and different genres of literature and music; I wish that others would do the same.
Which is not to say that "art" does not have its problems. "Classical music" and "literature" and "art" can seem like ivory tower categories--only accessible and enjoyable to the people who are privileged (i.e. rich and snobby) enough to have learned about their nuances. I get that. But at the same time, it is important to have an open mind to them. and not judge it by its genre.
Anyway I enjoy many other "common" (or considered less "artful" the academic world) genres ranging from country music to electronic/dance to pop to Pokemon music and I can see their merits all the same. Not to sing my own praises, but the important thing is not to limit oneself by saying "I don't listen to anything other than pop", and to judge a piece of music not by its genre but by its technique (whether musical or rhetorical), innovation, intent, and emotional intensity.
Come on world, stop this closed-mindedness, stop this group-thinking! (Though you can keep having group sex if you want *ahem*)
And the relationship columns. Today someone asked a column writer on the the G&M whether or not they should consider having a threesome. They both wanted to try it, but they were probably just insecure. The column writer was like "Well, I can't control what you do it in the end, but just be careful, it might ruin your relationship". Or that was the gist of it, anyway.
You know what that means! Time for Timmy to go off on a tangent about sex for the millionth time on this blog! I don't really think a threesome that all parties want ruins a relationship. I think what it can do, if it goes wrong, is bring issues such as lack of trust, respect, and communication into attention. Because if respect and openness were deeply entrenched relationship in the first place, there's no reason why having a threesome would change that. It is not as if your life undergoes such a drastic change that it can be divided up into "before threesome" and "after threesome" portions. If only one person in the relationship wanted to try a threesome and were trying to persuade/manipulate the other person into going for it, that would be a different story. There is so much irrational sex-negativity in the media.
I did, though, see a comment that said, "Life is too short to let fear and insecurity get in the way of exploring your desires. Have fun tell us how it goes." So I guess there is some hope. But mostly, there's a lot of group-thinking going on in the comments and it makes me kind of sad because I feel like the media kind of enforces this conformist world. The media shapes the subjects we think and talk about, and frames the ways we think about them.
In contrast, the arts, in which free expression is encouraged, is not really noticed by a lot of people. There seems to a decline in the appreciation of literature (especially poetry) and music in favour of (often shallow) radio-ready pop music, which is worrying. I try to be open to different modes of expression, and different genres of literature and music; I wish that others would do the same.
Which is not to say that "art" does not have its problems. "Classical music" and "literature" and "art" can seem like ivory tower categories--only accessible and enjoyable to the people who are privileged (i.e. rich and snobby) enough to have learned about their nuances. I get that. But at the same time, it is important to have an open mind to them. and not judge it by its genre.
Anyway I enjoy many other "common" (or considered less "artful" the academic world) genres ranging from country music to electronic/dance to pop to Pokemon music and I can see their merits all the same. Not to sing my own praises, but the important thing is not to limit oneself by saying "I don't listen to anything other than pop", and to judge a piece of music not by its genre but by its technique (whether musical or rhetorical), innovation, intent, and emotional intensity.
Come on world, stop this closed-mindedness, stop this group-thinking! (Though you can keep having group sex if you want *ahem*)
Friday, October 15, 2010
Not Inferior, Not Indifferent
There's been a string of gay teenagers committing suicide lately. Which makes me really troubled.
The truth is that gay teenagers feel an isolation that perhaps not a lot of people can imagine. They can't come out to their parents in fear of being thrown out of the house; they can't talk to their friends because they're afraid that they would be humiliated and their sexuality revealed to everybody else.
Those crippling feelings of isolation that I used to feel back in high school... I've kind of blotted it out of my mind. And I'm afraid I will forget how hard it was. I've been enjoying the joy of living an open and "out" life. I've been more confident than ever and mostly happier. But I'm in a privileged position as well. I have understanding parents - perhaps more understanding than many can hope for. I'm lucky enough to have an amazing friend who accompanied me to two Pride Parades, despite not being LGBT, and who constantly gives me me courage to speak up. I'm lucky enough to have a friend fun and accepting enough to accompany me to a gay club.
Living this life, and constantly feeling myself growing farther and farther away from that hole (no, not that kind of hole) I was stuck in during high school, it's very easy for me to become blasé about the lives of other people. But I can't forget... I can't forget that there are people out there who are still in need.
I know a lot of people who volunteer for LGBT initiatives. I can only hope to be as brave as them one day. Right now... I know myself to be arrogant and selfish. I'm afraid of being reminded of the feelings I had in high school and I do everything I can to avoid them. And no matter what, I'm still pretty introverted. Though I have forced myself to talk to more people last year, I can't really seem to break out of my shell. When I'm surrounded by a lot of people I tend to just withdraw. But then again: these aren't excuses for inactivity or indifference. We can't give up. Not now when we've come so far.
In my History of Sexuality class, I read a paper arguing that sexual behaviour is akin to class and race and other social ways of organizing power in our society. In times of social crisis, people at the bottom of the sexual ladder are often scapegoated; this may include: gays or lesbians with more than one sexual partner, transsexuals, transvestites, fetishists, sadomasochists, people in the sex work industry, "those whose eroticism transgresses generational boundaries" (my textbook's words), etc. They receive less institutional support and economic sanctions, and less protection by the law. Moreover they may be thought of by the medical/psychiatric community as being "insane" or "criminal" or somehow emotionally or morally inferior.
I don't know how our world got so warped this way and how people can allow their penchant for hate and control to classify people in this way. There is simply one principle that you need to understand: what works for you does NOT necessarily work for others. Just because you feel like you have to be monogamous, does not mean that this is the best option for everybody. Just because you don't like being tied up/don't like being peed on/having your feet licked/having sex in leather etc., doesn't mean nobody does. Why must some people mistake their sexual preferences for universal laws that apply to all of mankind, throughout all cultures, throughout all the ages?
I've been thinking. In my last post, I said that I felt like I couldn't pursue public initiatives. But I can write well. I can fight for change, in my own way.
I will use my writing and push for social change.
I will help increase LGBTQ visibility as best as I can, and reach out to youths and adults through my writing.
I will fight against sexual discrimination of all forms.
And that's why... that's why I have to leave the sciences.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Strip away the Tuxedo
I am enjoying History of Sexuality course and it is pretty laidback so far. The readings, while short, are pretty thought-provoking. Last week, we read a paper by Halperin that said that by treating "sexuality" as a part of our identities that have always existed, we are being historically inaccurate. As justification, he cited the sexual hierarchy of the Greeks. In ancient Athens, there were two classes of people: citizens (men) and non-citizens (women, children/youths, slaves). Sexual practices in Athens occured between a citizen and non-citizen, whether the non-citizen was a woman or a boy, and the citizen was always the penetrative one. There was no usage of the terms gay/straight/homosexual/heterosexual, nor did the Greeks find anything inherently different if a citizen preferred to have sex with boys instead of women - it was an accepted practice. Their sexual practices were simply a manifestation of the way Athenian politics were set up and were in no part constitutive of their identity. In our current society, it's the opposite: our sexual practices are seen to affect our politics and our identity.
Reading Halperin's paper did make me think. Why do we view sexuality as a core part of our identities? When I meet someone, I almost immediately tell them "I'm gay". Why is it so important that it is one of the first things I tell them?
For instance, I frequently feel very out of touch with the with the gay community. Maybe it's my introverted and ruminative nature, but I feel distant from others I've met who are very active in uniting the queer community and countering homophobia and prejudice. (That is not to say that I feel like their work is unimportant—of course not!)
Moreover, I don't think "I am gay" even fully describes my sexual desires and practices, nor does it fully define my idea of love or romance. In fact when I first discovered that I was gay, I didn't even use that word. I told my friend "I think I don't like girls". But maybe over time, I have chosen to take on the gay identity when it is necessary. After all, it would be very frustrating to have had to tell my parents "I partially identify as gay, though I think of myself as gay basically I want to make a political statement". Besides, saying "I'm gay" is basically the most energy-efficient way of telling people and that 1) I'm looking for a male partner and that 2) I like to subvert the norm.
But is being gay really an important part of my identity? In the past I've sometimes thought that coming out to myself was the defining moment in my life—that it made me see things that I was unable to see before, that I was finally "becoming my true self" somehow. But maybe it's not the gay identity that helped me to do this; maybe at that moment I simply realized the cultural constraints that were embedded inside me, and subsequently I resolved to subvert these society norms and that helped form my identity. After all, as an aspiring writer, I really want to create something new and challenge people's perceptions of different forms and ideas. So I think having my own way of thinking and doing things is more important to me than being gay and that in a way, I identify as gay because it helps identity of being contrary to the norm.
Recently there have been a few things going on that just makes me feel not exactly depressed, but... a bit blue. It's the same feeling as the one I was feeling before; so many things are going on that I cannot change and have no control of. For instance, at the end of my sexuality classes, I start thinking about how there are so many other ways of viewing ourselves, but many of us are stuck in thinking with just one way. I really do wish that more people could view gender and sexuality as being more fluid, and perhaps as something that might not even be a fundamental part of us.
I sometimes think about all the guys on craigslist claiming that they're straight, yet seek a guy to fool around with... (there are MANY. If you don't believe me, go to the "men for men" section on Craigslist.) Somehow it hurts, to see them vehemently declaring that they are straight, to imagine them locking up their truest feelings in favour of living a "normal life". If only we could just totally strip away this notion of being "straight" or "gay".
I've been listening to LeAnn Rimes' CD, Family, lately. In one of the songs, she sings
"I will learn to let go of what I cannot change.
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change.
I will learn to love what I cannot change,
but I will change, I will change
whatever I, whatever I can."
And so I will learn to let go of what I can't change. I tell myself that when they—those guys—grow older, they will discover that they don't need to label themselves and don't need to conform to what they perceive the norm to be.
After all, when they stand at the altar in a tuxedo with hundreds of people looking up to them, maybe they'll feel that there's some discrepancy between what they're expected to live up to and what they can do. Maybe they will discover that they cannot keep hurting themselves and the people around them, and that something is missing from their lives. I can only hope.
Reading Halperin's paper did make me think. Why do we view sexuality as a core part of our identities? When I meet someone, I almost immediately tell them "I'm gay". Why is it so important that it is one of the first things I tell them?
For instance, I frequently feel very out of touch with the with the gay community. Maybe it's my introverted and ruminative nature, but I feel distant from others I've met who are very active in uniting the queer community and countering homophobia and prejudice. (That is not to say that I feel like their work is unimportant—of course not!)
Moreover, I don't think "I am gay" even fully describes my sexual desires and practices, nor does it fully define my idea of love or romance. In fact when I first discovered that I was gay, I didn't even use that word. I told my friend "I think I don't like girls". But maybe over time, I have chosen to take on the gay identity when it is necessary. After all, it would be very frustrating to have had to tell my parents "I partially identify as gay, though I think of myself as gay basically I want to make a political statement". Besides, saying "I'm gay" is basically the most energy-efficient way of telling people and that 1) I'm looking for a male partner and that 2) I like to subvert the norm.
But is being gay really an important part of my identity? In the past I've sometimes thought that coming out to myself was the defining moment in my life—that it made me see things that I was unable to see before, that I was finally "becoming my true self" somehow. But maybe it's not the gay identity that helped me to do this; maybe at that moment I simply realized the cultural constraints that were embedded inside me, and subsequently I resolved to subvert these society norms and that helped form my identity. After all, as an aspiring writer, I really want to create something new and challenge people's perceptions of different forms and ideas. So I think having my own way of thinking and doing things is more important to me than being gay and that in a way, I identify as gay because it helps identity of being contrary to the norm.
Recently there have been a few things going on that just makes me feel not exactly depressed, but... a bit blue. It's the same feeling as the one I was feeling before; so many things are going on that I cannot change and have no control of. For instance, at the end of my sexuality classes, I start thinking about how there are so many other ways of viewing ourselves, but many of us are stuck in thinking with just one way. I really do wish that more people could view gender and sexuality as being more fluid, and perhaps as something that might not even be a fundamental part of us.
I sometimes think about all the guys on craigslist claiming that they're straight, yet seek a guy to fool around with... (there are MANY. If you don't believe me, go to the "men for men" section on Craigslist.) Somehow it hurts, to see them vehemently declaring that they are straight, to imagine them locking up their truest feelings in favour of living a "normal life". If only we could just totally strip away this notion of being "straight" or "gay".
I've been listening to LeAnn Rimes' CD, Family, lately. In one of the songs, she sings
"I will learn to let go of what I cannot change.
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change.
I will learn to love what I cannot change,
but I will change, I will change
whatever I, whatever I can."
And so I will learn to let go of what I can't change. I tell myself that when they—those guys—grow older, they will discover that they don't need to label themselves and don't need to conform to what they perceive the norm to be.
After all, when they stand at the altar in a tuxedo with hundreds of people looking up to them, maybe they'll feel that there's some discrepancy between what they're expected to live up to and what they can do. Maybe they will discover that they cannot keep hurting themselves and the people around them, and that something is missing from their lives. I can only hope.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Shiver
Went to the Queer Orientation Meet and Greet yesterday.
I felt a bit awkward. Maybe it was because I was too tired, or maybe it's just the nature of these kinds of events. Then again, awkwardness is my middle name, so no surprises there. In any case, I was talking to a group of four guys in the room. One of them was a CompSci major and the other was an engineering major, and the CompSci major said something to the extent of, "Oh, when I first saw you, you looked really lost, and I was wondering what you were doing in the room since you looked like a very heterosexual male. Not to say that you're not welcome here since we're very open and welcoming." The hell?
The other guy replied, "Well, it's complicated." We then somehow veered to the topic of religion; the engineer said he was Catholic and then the CompSci major started challenging his religion and asking him about his stance and abortion. The CompSci major was like, "Well I can't respect people who don't speak up."
I just turned around and went to talk to other people because there'd already had a big debate on Sunday, for SEC training, and I was tired of feeling tension in the room. Honestly, I am all for speaking out and sticking up for your beliefs, but the engineer wasn't even pushing his beliefs onto others; he had the courage to come to an LGBTQ event and was clearly searching for his identity and his place in the sexual spectrum, but instead got interrogated about his religion and his perceived "ungayness".
I did meet a lot of cool people though, so I'm happy about that. Saw Bryan again and met some of his friends as well :).
I'm also happy about my poetry class, which is really shaping up. We read two poems in class today. When my Prof reached the last word of the poem, the hairs on the back of my neck started standing up.
I felt a bit awkward. Maybe it was because I was too tired, or maybe it's just the nature of these kinds of events. Then again, awkwardness is my middle name, so no surprises there. In any case, I was talking to a group of four guys in the room. One of them was a CompSci major and the other was an engineering major, and the CompSci major said something to the extent of, "Oh, when I first saw you, you looked really lost, and I was wondering what you were doing in the room since you looked like a very heterosexual male. Not to say that you're not welcome here since we're very open and welcoming." The hell?
The other guy replied, "Well, it's complicated." We then somehow veered to the topic of religion; the engineer said he was Catholic and then the CompSci major started challenging his religion and asking him about his stance and abortion. The CompSci major was like, "Well I can't respect people who don't speak up."
I just turned around and went to talk to other people because there'd already had a big debate on Sunday, for SEC training, and I was tired of feeling tension in the room. Honestly, I am all for speaking out and sticking up for your beliefs, but the engineer wasn't even pushing his beliefs onto others; he had the courage to come to an LGBTQ event and was clearly searching for his identity and his place in the sexual spectrum, but instead got interrogated about his religion and his perceived "ungayness".
I did meet a lot of cool people though, so I'm happy about that. Saw Bryan again and met some of his friends as well :).
I'm also happy about my poetry class, which is really shaping up. We read two poems in class today. When my Prof reached the last word of the poem, the hairs on the back of my neck started standing up.
This is Just to Say
I have eatenLooks like poetry and I are going to have a good relationship this term.
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
--William Carlos Williams
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Godspeed
I found out yesterday that a childhood friend of mine died. She lived really close to me.
I... don't know what to say... especially because I know that her family must be going through so much pain and grief at the moment. But my lack of power eats at me. When I hear something as unexpected as this, what can I actually do? I'm powerless...
Dear Amy,
I'm sorry if I was ever mean to you... I know I probably was when I was younger.
Remember how when we were younger we'd always joke around? You'd always call me "somebody" and I'd nickname you "nobody"? Well, I was wrong, you weren't a nobody and I'm the biggest jerk in the world for having called you that. You were always so kind to me and I am sure your kindness touched many people.
I remember the week my mom went back to Hong Kong, my sis and I were at your house and we'd watching VeggieTales and have pillow fights by the staircases, and play Mario on your GameBoy. We watched VeggieTales so many times that we memorized the lyrics to their songs. I'll miss those times.
I remember seeing you periodically in the library at ACCI, reading. You'd say hi and we'd talk a bit and then get back to studying or reading. I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better.
I'll miss your sincerity and your smile...
Godspeed and rest in peace, Amy.
In my poetry class on Thursday, my Professor told me that she still remembered the day after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. She walked into her class and told them "I'm sorry... I'm really not ready to give a lecture, and I really don't know why I'm here at the moment."
Some students raised their hands and said, "Professor, we know why we're here. We want you to read us some poetry." Her students' words were what brought her back to her senses, and together they began to read some poetry.
They wanted their worlds to be reconstructed after they had been shattered so abruptly. And my Prof argued that poetry does not necessarily represent or reflect the real world ("Universe"), but instead recreates it and sheds to us light and energy.
And although I know I am not as affected by Amy's death as people who were closer to her, I feel somehow shattered. Powerless, in the face of what I know others have to face. Today, I went to SEC training and there was a speaker on oppression, and I started feeling so powerless as well -- there are so many factors and complexities surrounding oppression, how can it ever stop? And I started thinking about how I am probably pretty well off financially; I feel so powerless when I think of how my best friend is always struggling with money.
Like my Prof, I don't know why I'm here, either. I don't know why I continue on with school and I don't what I am to do afterwards. I just hope that I will have enough power to change things, to change lives. But at the same time I can't help thinking that I would ever have the power to change something like this. Right now, I feel hopeless.
So, dear world, read me some poetry,
And, dear poetry, rebuild my world,
recolor my light.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
History of Sex Class
I just attended my last class, History of Sexuality. It was so awesome.
Here's a survey of the words that came up in the class at least once: fucking, sucking, shooting his load, ejaculating, cum, porn, vagina, arousal, breasts, kink, fetish, foot fetish, masochism (mm, hot), fantasy, masturbation, gonads (lol), libido, perversion, power exchange, incest, monogamy, autoeroticism, voyeurism, stripping, barebacking, etc.
In other words, this is my type of course. Besides, we're reading Lesbian smut in class as a text. LESBIAN SMUT! I'm gay, but still. SMUT!
The prof is hilarious, young, cute, and an engaging speaker. Here are rough quotes:
This is interesting, because I feel like our society is so governed by shame at the moment. My friends always tell me to be fearless, but I'd go one step further than that. Be shameless. Don't be ashamed of anything you are, feel, do, or think. Don't be ashamed of your body, voice, movements. Don't be ashamed of your desires, no matter what they are. (Of course, I wouldn't go as far as shitting in the lecture hall or something, but you know what I mean.) Shame is taught. We can sever most of our ties with it, everyone.
Honestly, the most refreshing lecture I have sat in in a while.
I forgot to mention though, today I had many "facepalm moments".
First of all, the guy I sat beside in poetry started telling me about poetic terms. Oh, please. I do not care that you were from an IB program. Don't tell me about how much you studied over the summer. Do you have hobbies and a life?
Also, in Quantum Mech I had the biggest facepalm moment ever. The course has one tutorial and you either sign up for the 2 pm or 3 pm session, but some people had conflicts. The Prof said, "Who has conflicts with a tutorial session at both 2 pm and 3 pm? Would you still have a conflict if I added a tutorial session at 4 pm?" A guy raised his hand and said "Sir, I would have a conflict but I can still make the 3 pm session."
...Whoever thought physics majors were smarter than English majors in general obviously didn't know very many physics majors.
Afterwards, went to the TBA audition, which was horrible. Let's not talk about it. However, around the audition area there was this cute guy from UTM, first-year commerce; his name was Charles, he was wearing a red cap, T-shirt and shorts, think he was from Hong Kong. He was cute and he had these beautiful shoulders. No, I'm serious. He was skinny but his shoulders were angular and they just looked really nice. Wish I asked for his number, or Facebook. Hope he never reads this though.
EDIT: Apparently, this post led to my blog being blocked from access at the Physics computer labs...
Here's a survey of the words that came up in the class at least once: fucking, sucking, shooting his load, ejaculating, cum, porn, vagina, arousal, breasts, kink, fetish, foot fetish, masochism (mm, hot), fantasy, masturbation, gonads (lol), libido, perversion, power exchange, incest, monogamy, autoeroticism, voyeurism, stripping, barebacking, etc.
In other words, this is my type of course. Besides, we're reading Lesbian smut in class as a text. LESBIAN SMUT! I'm gay, but still. SMUT!
The prof is hilarious, young, cute, and an engaging speaker. Here are rough quotes:
"The McGuinty government canceled their newly proposed sex ed curriculum because people were afraid that two-year olds were going to turn into kinderwhores."The Prof then started a bit of the course material, which was about Freud. Freud argued that when children are potty-trained, they are TAUGHT shame and humiliation, and learn how to repress their desires. They learn that civilization is based on repressing and without holding pleasure. Or, in my Prof's words, "Children are not born with shame. Children shit when they're in a room with 10 other people and then they laugh about it."
"Cultural norms often dictate what legitimate sex is. A couple can talk to their grandparents or any random person and say 'We're trying to have a baby', which explicitly means that they are having unprotected sex, and the man is putting his penis inside her vagina, entering her, ejaculating in her, whatever, and their act will be seen as a wonderful and beautiful thing. If a man tells the same someone that his boyfriend slept over last night, that person might already say 'Too much information'. Not to mention that if they had unprotected anal sex, people would frown down on it and call it 'barebacking'."
This is interesting, because I feel like our society is so governed by shame at the moment. My friends always tell me to be fearless, but I'd go one step further than that. Be shameless. Don't be ashamed of anything you are, feel, do, or think. Don't be ashamed of your body, voice, movements. Don't be ashamed of your desires, no matter what they are. (Of course, I wouldn't go as far as shitting in the lecture hall or something, but you know what I mean.) Shame is taught. We can sever most of our ties with it, everyone.
Honestly, the most refreshing lecture I have sat in in a while.
I forgot to mention though, today I had many "facepalm moments".
First of all, the guy I sat beside in poetry started telling me about poetic terms. Oh, please. I do not care that you were from an IB program. Don't tell me about how much you studied over the summer. Do you have hobbies and a life?
Also, in Quantum Mech I had the biggest facepalm moment ever. The course has one tutorial and you either sign up for the 2 pm or 3 pm session, but some people had conflicts. The Prof said, "Who has conflicts with a tutorial session at both 2 pm and 3 pm? Would you still have a conflict if I added a tutorial session at 4 pm?" A guy raised his hand and said "Sir, I would have a conflict but I can still make the 3 pm session."
...Whoever thought physics majors were smarter than English majors in general obviously didn't know very many physics majors.
Afterwards, went to the TBA audition, which was horrible. Let's not talk about it. However, around the audition area there was this cute guy from UTM, first-year commerce; his name was Charles, he was wearing a red cap, T-shirt and shorts, think he was from Hong Kong. He was cute and he had these beautiful shoulders. No, I'm serious. He was skinny but his shoulders were angular and they just looked really nice. Wish I asked for his number, or Facebook. Hope he never reads this though.
EDIT: Apparently, this post led to my blog being blocked from access at the Physics computer labs...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
First Day of School
I know I shouldn't judge my classes/profs based on first impressions, but I will anyway. It's way too fun.
Partial Differential Equations - The prof had a small accent, but she still talked quite well and seems to be an engaging prof. Not much to say about this course, went through a bit of review ("What is a PDE?" etc.)
Classical Electrodynamics - The prof speaks fast but is actually... quite cute (though he is a young guy in physics, and for some reason I find a lot of young physicists quite cute). He spoke pretty quickly and ended the class thirty minutes early; I somehow feel that it might have been because he didn't really prepare for the first lecture. I mean, he could've easily started reviewing material from second year, or even just vector calculus. Still, looking forward to this class.
Biography and Autobiography - I actually enjoyed the first lecture quite a lot. The prof asked "Who are biographies written about?" and "Who are not written about?" which I found interesting. After some discussion in class we concluded that biographies are written about people who are somehow "different" and stand out (celebrities, political figures, artists), and/or valuable to society (or the opposite, e.g. murderers). Biographies are NOT written about the average working person. Why? Because 1) there is no market for it, since people aren't interested in reading the life of an average person, and 2) the average person's life is not really well-documented. She said that when approaching biographies, people unconsciously consider current cultural norms and social values. For some reason both these points kind of nagged at me. The class seems laid-back/easy, and the grading scheme kind of sketchy (got the easiest assignment ever; it's worth 5%), but it will be interesting to see what else she has to say during the year. I was thinking of replacing this course with Complex Analysis, but I'm leaning towards not replacing it now. But I'll wait until Wednesday, when I attend Complex Analysis, to decide.
Reading Poetry - The prof spoke quite slowly. She also said "the only kind of person who should be taking this course are English majors and specialists" which I felt was really biased. With people caring less about literature these days, she should be happy if people in other fields want to broaden their education. I'm sure the physics department would let anyone take their courses if they were interested. She also kept trying to tell the class how to learn, which was annoying. We're in University now; we either know how to study or ought to figure out ourselves how to study. The grading scheme seems kind of sketchy (20% for an in-class essay? Really? Is sketchiness a criterion for the grading schemes of English courses?), but getting to know more poetry is one of my goals, so I'm going to try to stick this course out and hopefully she won't drive me crazy. Hopefully the increased exposure to poetic forms and poems will be enlightening enough.
Quantum Mechanics - The Prof was like, scarily thin. He also rambled quite a bit and went off on random tangents. He taught quite slowly, yet by the end of the class Cassie and I were both confused. I hope this will turn out to be a good class, but so far all the other ones seem more engaging...
One more class to go; I'll edit it in here when I've attended it. So far, so good, considering my lost faith in education in general (what I have I actually learned in the last two years? Like, nothing...). All my classes seem pretty laid-back this year. I feel like I might even have a little too much free time. Maybe I could get a job again... but then I'd be so stressed.
Oh yeah, I also went to the Onoscatopeia (Hart House Jazz Choir) open rehearsal. We sang Billy Joel's "The Longest Time" and this song with weird harmonies called "Smile". It was really fun. For some reason when I sing in a choir I feel validated; I just feel like I'm part of a group and that I'm part of something greater. But I'd have to make the club to continue with the meetings. I don't know if I am good enough. I recorded myself singing and I didn't sound that good; plus, there are only 18-20 spaces so it's really competitive. I want to get in but realistically (I'm not being pessimistic, I'm usually optimistic!) I know I probably won't.
Partial Differential Equations - The prof had a small accent, but she still talked quite well and seems to be an engaging prof. Not much to say about this course, went through a bit of review ("What is a PDE?" etc.)
Classical Electrodynamics - The prof speaks fast but is actually... quite cute (though he is a young guy in physics, and for some reason I find a lot of young physicists quite cute). He spoke pretty quickly and ended the class thirty minutes early; I somehow feel that it might have been because he didn't really prepare for the first lecture. I mean, he could've easily started reviewing material from second year, or even just vector calculus. Still, looking forward to this class.
Biography and Autobiography - I actually enjoyed the first lecture quite a lot. The prof asked "Who are biographies written about?" and "Who are not written about?" which I found interesting. After some discussion in class we concluded that biographies are written about people who are somehow "different" and stand out (celebrities, political figures, artists), and/or valuable to society (or the opposite, e.g. murderers). Biographies are NOT written about the average working person. Why? Because 1) there is no market for it, since people aren't interested in reading the life of an average person, and 2) the average person's life is not really well-documented. She said that when approaching biographies, people unconsciously consider current cultural norms and social values. For some reason both these points kind of nagged at me. The class seems laid-back/easy, and the grading scheme kind of sketchy (got the easiest assignment ever; it's worth 5%), but it will be interesting to see what else she has to say during the year. I was thinking of replacing this course with Complex Analysis, but I'm leaning towards not replacing it now. But I'll wait until Wednesday, when I attend Complex Analysis, to decide.
Reading Poetry - The prof spoke quite slowly. She also said "the only kind of person who should be taking this course are English majors and specialists" which I felt was really biased. With people caring less about literature these days, she should be happy if people in other fields want to broaden their education. I'm sure the physics department would let anyone take their courses if they were interested. She also kept trying to tell the class how to learn, which was annoying. We're in University now; we either know how to study or ought to figure out ourselves how to study. The grading scheme seems kind of sketchy (20% for an in-class essay? Really? Is sketchiness a criterion for the grading schemes of English courses?), but getting to know more poetry is one of my goals, so I'm going to try to stick this course out and hopefully she won't drive me crazy. Hopefully the increased exposure to poetic forms and poems will be enlightening enough.
Quantum Mechanics - The Prof was like, scarily thin. He also rambled quite a bit and went off on random tangents. He taught quite slowly, yet by the end of the class Cassie and I were both confused. I hope this will turn out to be a good class, but so far all the other ones seem more engaging...
One more class to go; I'll edit it in here when I've attended it. So far, so good, considering my lost faith in education in general (what I have I actually learned in the last two years? Like, nothing...). All my classes seem pretty laid-back this year. I feel like I might even have a little too much free time. Maybe I could get a job again... but then I'd be so stressed.
Oh yeah, I also went to the Onoscatopeia (Hart House Jazz Choir) open rehearsal. We sang Billy Joel's "The Longest Time" and this song with weird harmonies called "Smile". It was really fun. For some reason when I sing in a choir I feel validated; I just feel like I'm part of a group and that I'm part of something greater. But I'd have to make the club to continue with the meetings. I don't know if I am good enough. I recorded myself singing and I didn't sound that good; plus, there are only 18-20 spaces so it's really competitive. I want to get in but realistically (I'm not being pessimistic, I'm usually optimistic!) I know I probably won't.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
yes is a pleasant country
yes is a pleasant country:
if's wintry
(my lovely)
let's open the year
both is the very weather
(not either)
my treasure,
when violets appear
love is a deeper season
than reason;
my sweet one
(and april's where we're)
if's wintry
(my lovely)
let's open the year
both is the very weather
(not either)
my treasure,
when violets appear
love is a deeper season
than reason;
my sweet one
(and april's where we're)
-e. e. cummings
Reading List
My goal is to read or reread at least 25 books by the end of summer. I might write reviews or reflections on some of these books. Wish me luck!
Finished
1) The Year of the Flood - Margaret Atwood (Jun. 28 - 30)
2) Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic - Alison Bechdel (Jul. 1 - 4)
3) A Wizard of Earthsea - Ursula K. Le Guin (Jul. 5 - 9)
4) Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood (Jul. 9 - 12)
5) Watchmen - Alan Moore (Jul. 12 - 15)
6) Who Do You Think You Are? - Alice Munro (Jul. 16 - 21)
7) Intuition - Allegra Goodman (Jul. 22 - 28)
8) The Robber Bride - Margaret Atwood (Jul. 28 - Aug. 2)
9) The Color Purple - Alice Walker (Aug. 7 - 9)
10) Cathedral - Raymond Carver (Aug 17 - 20)
11) Morning in the Burned House - Margaret Atwood poetry (Finished Aug. 21)
12) Troll: A Love Story - Johanna Sinisalo (Aug. 29 - 30)
10) Cathedral - Raymond Carver (Aug 17 - 20)
11) Morning in the Burned House - Margaret Atwood poetry (Finished Aug. 21)
12) Troll: A Love Story - Johanna Sinisalo (Aug. 29 - 30)
Reading
My Family and Other Animals - Gerry Durrell
Selected Poems - e. e. cummings, edited by Richard S. Kennedy
Selected Poems - e. e. cummings, edited by Richard S. Kennedy
Negotiating with the Dead: A Writer on Writing - Margaret Atwood
Ariel - Sylvia Plath
Ariel - Sylvia Plath
Want to Read
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Moral Disorder - Margaret Atwood
Such a Long Journey - Rohinton Mistry
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
His Dark Materials trilogy - Philip Pullman
The Left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin
Lord of the Rings trilogy - J. R. R. Tolkien
The Call of the Wild - Jack London
Hamlet/Macbeth - Shakespeare
The Solitude of Prime Numbers - Paolo Giordano
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
What We All Long For - Dionne Brand
Downtown Canada: Writing Canadian Cities - Justin D. Edwards, Douglas Ivison (editors)
Books that I have started, but am taking an indefinite break on
Atonement - Ian McEwan
Close Range - Annie Proulx
Short Stories/Pieces that I want to read
"The Dead" - James Joyce
"A Field of Wheat" - Sinclair Ross
"The Second Strongest Man" - David Bezmozgis
"Wedding Gift" - Thomas Randall
"Bread" - Michael Crummey
Descarte's Discourse
Descarte's Discourse
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